Hope

Hope

I can remember what living without hope feels like. It’s like having an empty void in the center of your being that just eats at any and everything. Anything you place in your life quickly gets sucked up by the vacuum of hopelessness. “What’s the point?” begins to become your motto. And eventually as you see all that you care about sucked up in that void, you finally just want to give up. The suffering, the struggle of living without hope is too much. I remember having a knife to my wrist, overwhelmed by the sense of hopelessness in my life. There was nothing left to live for. Despite feeling like I had nothing left to hope in, I still wished, hoped even, for someone to come bursting through my door to give me something to hope in.

Hope

There’s a passage of scripture worth pondering. Proverbs 13:12a says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Without hope, or with hope that’s been set aside (deferred), the heart is made sick. The heart is made sick as a result of a lack of hope. This has implications for all of us, not just counselors.

I didn’t know Christ when I was suicidal. I was sick. I had nothing to hope in. Don’t get me wrong, I had tried to hope in many things. I had hoped that I would go to college, become a Japanese interpreter, find a woman that I could start a family with and many other things. Inevitably, they all let me down. And each time another “hope” let me down, I had less to hope in. The less I had to hope in, the emptier I became. Eventually, I was done hoping completely. I gave up. I was as sick as I could be. I was ready to die.

But then someone came along who cared about me who showed me that I could hope again. That there was something worth hoping in. Something that wouldn’t and couldn’t be sucked up into the vacuum of hopelessness. I had searched all my life for something like that, and finally, someone showed me where to find it.

As I write this, I am listening to one of my favorite songs. A song about the hope that is worth hoping in.

The world waits for a miracle
The heart longs for a little bit of hope
Oh come, oh come, Emmanuel

 

Hope is one of those things that is essential to a healthy heart. We all hope for something; relief from debt, freedom from addiction, a healthy relationship. But there’s a greater hope, a hope worth pointing people to. A hope that says that one day we will live in light of the hope we’ve all been waiting for. Death will be deferred and hope will come…and we shall call him Emmanuel; God with us. We will set aside the disappointments and sorrows and we will worship him. And I suspect it’ll sound something like this:

He is the song for the suffering
He is Messiah, the Prince of Peace has come
He has come, Emmanuel
Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
Glory to the light of the world
For all who wait
For all who hunger
For all who’ve prayed
For all who wonder
Behold your King
Behold Messiah
Emmanuel, Emmanuel*

Hope

 

*Songwriters: Lauren Daigle / Paul Duncan / Paul Mabury   // Light Of The World lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing, Capitol Christian Music Group

When A Counselor is Desperate

When a Counselor is Desperate

I’ve wondered lately about where my heart has been. The past few weeks I’ve sensed a high level of self-sufficiency, and I realize the burden this is. Perhaps that seems like a contradictory statement to you. Or maybe you have been in the church a while and recognize the error this is. But I felt it in my heart. I knew there was something wrong when I thought about prayer and wasn’t really sure I knew what I should pray for. Self-sufficiency had become the barrier to Gospel-dependency.

While working on my undergraduate, I was asked by one of my favorite professors to read a book called Broken by Nancy Leigh Demoss. It contrasts the differences between a proud person and a broken person. When I read it, I was overwhelmed by the realization that my most fervent, committed times of prayer and intimacy with God were times I sensed my need; when I was most desperate for Him.

Desperate Counselor - Gospel Centered Counseling

As a human being, these times often are interspersed with times of self-sufficiency, pride, and apathy. But the times I seek God the most faithfully are the times I really know I am desperate. I am convinced, then, that brokenness, or desperation, is a true gift of God; a reminder of my need and dependence on Him. My heart echoed this reality this morning when Pastor Eric Roseberry from City of God Church in Lafayette Indiana preached on Mark 9. In this chapter, there is a father whose son has been possessed by a demon. The demon has made multiple attempts to “destroy” the son. This father obviously is desperate and seeks Jesus’ healing. And Jesus obliges. The apostles, who had been seeking to help the boy, were unable. Jesus seems to subsequently condemn those without faith. And when the disciples followed up with Jesus later as to why they were unable, Jesus says that this kind of demon can only be cast out by prayer.

Two things; Jesus condemns those without faith when the people point out that the disciples were unable to cast out the demon. He then tells them that prayer is the only way this kind of demon can be removed; through faith, and asking God for help. Faith and desperation; this is where we find our deepest prayers. But it’s also where we find God working the most.

When a counselor is desperate, that’s when they are going to find God working. Perhaps that’s you. Perhaps you are handling an entire church’s counseling load on your own. Or maybe you just have so many you are trying to help that you can’t remember which is which. Or maybe you just have one very difficult person that you are trying to help. Maybe the problem is even in your own family where broken relationships are revealing the depth of your own weaknesses and struggles. Believe me, I know what this feels like. I believe these are the moments you are looking for; moments that require you to ask God for help.

Let me encourage you to do what I have failed to do too often. Don’t be too quick to refer to someone else. Don’t be quick to run away from those within the broken church. Don’t be quick to dismiss people’s problems just because you’re desperately trying to hold things together. Make sure that in your weakness and inability that you seek God’s help. And when you start to notice that you are operating on a “been there done that” mentality, question yourself. When your mentality is that you can handle the problems people are bringing to you, perhaps you’ve already gotten in the way of what God really wants to do. Don’t be afraid to be desperate. And make sure to have people who are pointing you in the right direction when you really are desperate. The truth is you will be desperate as a counselor. But when a counselor is desperate, they can see more clearly their need of God, and their dependence on the promises and character of God.

 

A Broken Church

I have been pondering the role of the church in today’s contexts a lot as of late. America has become a post-Christian nation despite the fact that the majority of American’s claiming to be Christian. Many are questioning the role and purpose of being a part of a local church body. After all, with technology we can now “do church” from our living room in our PJ’s right?

I think the local church is necessary, important, and relevant even for today. I think it’s important enough that I hope to write at least one blog on why we still need the church. But before I can write that, I have to acknowledge that one of the biggest reasons that people are questioning the church is a valid reason to question the church; it’s broken.

A Broken Church - Gospel Centered Counseling

 

The church is full of broken hurting people, seeking to fulfill an eternally important mission with other broken and hurting people and are in turn creating messes. That’s just the reality of what the church has been doing since it was created. Beyond that, in an article summarizing a study done by the Barna Group on discipleship from 2015, 6 in 10 pastors indicated they believe that the church is discipling “not too well”. That’s 60% of pastors indicating that we’re not fulfilling our mission well.  And further in the article it states that less than 20% of Christians are involved in any sort of discipleship activity.1 

The main calling of the church is to go and make disciples of all nations (Mt. 28), and yet, we’re self-evaluating as “not (discipling) too well”. In another study done with Barna and Pepperdine, only 24% of people view pastors in a very positive light while 28% of people indicate that they have a somewhat or negative view of pastors and another 23% have little regard for a pastor.2 This means that 51% of the population are at best apathetic towards pastors, those leading, teaching, and training Christians in the mission of making disciples. One can only wonder what this means for the church for the future of our leaders are not viewed positively by the majority of our culture.

In addition to struggling with our mission, our leaders not being viewed in a positive light by the majority of our culture, the church is filled with hurting people who are trying to help people while struggling with their own struggles with sin, hurts, and loving well. The church, every church, is a broken church. But a broken church is not something that we need to hide from. It’s actually a reason to hope. Because within a broken church, there is opportunity after opportunity for God’s redemption to be seen. There are multiple passages in Scripture of individuals who struggle with brokenness and in that weakness God’s power being “made perfect” (2 Cor 12:9).3 So yes, the church is a broken church. But stay tuned, because I hope to share why you shouldn’t be quick in running away from a broken church.

_________

  1. https://www.barna.com/research/new-research-on-the-state-of-discipleship/
  2. https://www.barna.com/research/credibility-crisis-todays-pastors/
  3. Exodus 3:11, 12; 4:10-15; Jeremiah 1:6-9; 1 Cor 2:3, 5; 2 Cor 3:5, 6.

 

Running Away

Running Away

When a pain finally is acknowledged by your brain, your body responds to protect itself by pulling away. Once, when I was just a preteen, I accidentally stepped on the sharpened end of a pencil that pierced deep into my foot. Before my foot went all the way to the floor, my foot immediately pulled away from the pencil before I had time to think about what had happened. It was a natural reaction that required no forethought because my body was trying to protect itself. Likely you have experienced many instances in your life of the same principle.

Running Away

Relationships are no different. When we experience pain in them, and yes it’s a “when” and not an “if” statement, you likely will pull away from that relationship because of a pain or perceived pain you have experienced; that’s normal. We have a tendency, a propensity if you will, towards running away from pain. It not only allows us to avoid an initial pain, but if we do it well, we end up avoiding the source of that pain and any future pain it may cause us. This is where I think we err. We think that by running away permanently, we avoid any future pain that source can cause us and subsequently are running towards a happier or better life.

Late last year, I got into running. I found that something I had previously hated had started to become a rather enjoyable experience. It allowed me some solitude, some time to think and pray, and a chance to push my boundaries and grow. It was also about this time that my wife and I started to confront some issues that had come up in our marriage that was a source of pain. I found running easier than dealing with those issues. My running began to be more than just about running. I was running away from pain.

But what I eventually had to learn was that in order to run further and farther, to get to that finish line, I had to embrace pain. It’s a lesson I constantly have to relearn. Running long distances, I’ve had to learn that you’ll eventually start to feel the strain on your body. That pain is inevitable if you want to keep on running and to cross that finish line. It’s when you learn this that the initial desire to run from pain loses its appeal. Yeah, you’ll likely pull back when hurt. Sometimes in relationships when you are hurt deeply, you’ll pull back for an extended period of time to recoup and handle the pain. And on occasion, when a relationship is obviously very toxic that time away may be indefinite until reconciliation can happen.

But relationships are meant to be a source of imagery to God’s ability for reconciliation and unity. Relationships are a place where as Christians we can model love and forgiveness and reconciliation despite the pain inflicted upon us. Because if this is what Jesus has done for us in reconciling us to him through death and suffering, we as his image-bearers need to strap on our running shoes and prepare to run towards pain. I’m still trying to learn what that looks like. My wife has been patient with me as I’ve tried to figure that out in our ten years of marriage. She’s modeled well what it looks like to pursue me, to run towards me even when it hurts. Let us then run this race towards pain with endurance, seeking to cross that finish line to the glory of God (1 Cor 10:31).

The Sorrow of Tomorrow

The Sorrow of Tomorrow

My heart is weary. It’s not hard to imagine why. Even those who do not have much place for faith can look around our country and point to any number of different issues causing sorrow and pain. Something is wrong with our world. I heard tonight of a story of a newborn diagnosed with a developmental disorder and a literal hole in their heart. For the past week I have watched as a family has had to say goodbye to their toddler as a result of a tragic accident. And as I consider the sorrow of today I am ready to be undone by the sorrow of tomorrow. For these things won’t just disappear tomorrow. They’re actually likely to get worse. And I’m not sure I am ready for it.

It’s amidst these trials and tribulations that it’s tempting to loosen my hold on God. To distance myself from the one who seems to ignore my prayers, to ignore the suffering of today, or who even may seem to be the cause of the sorrow of tomorrow. If He is a good God, how can he let so much bad happen? If He is all powerful, why does he ignore my prayers for things that seem to be  something a good God would want?

In Mark 14:34, Jesus describes his current status as being “very sorrowful, even to death.” He’s in the Garden of Gethsemane with Peter, James, and John and he asks them to watch while he prays. The Last Supper is finished, one of his closest disciples is in the process of betraying him, and Jesus knows he is about to be put through the worst possible death available to anyone during his day and age. My sorrow may be big but it certainly can’t compare to this. My closest friends aren’t betraying me to death. I’m not about to undergo torture to the point of literal death.

While Jesus prays, he asks for relief. He falls on his face and prayed that the hour might pass from him. He then asks God to remove this cup of sorrow from him (verses 35-36).  I can see that in great sorrow, it’s okay to ask for God to remove it. To ask for that relief. But I have to acknowledge something that even Jesus acknowledges before he finishes his prayer. It may be that this sorrow is part of God’s will for me. That somehow God wills this pain for me. Even while Jesus asked for relief, he acknowledges that God’s will may in fact be that he has to go through all this pain and tribulation. He acknowledges that while he wants the sorrow of tomorrow to pass, that it may in fact be exactly what God intends for him. And he submits to that truth.

I have to trust that while I may not fully understand what caused Jesus to pray this prayer, I do know that because He lives in me, he empowers me to willingly submit to the sorrow of tomorrow for the sake of God’s will. I may not be Christ, I may not be facing execution, but I can at least acknowledge that God’s will intends to use pain in my life to make me more like Jesus. To be willing to trust and submit to a Father who loves me and might allow me to suffer for His purposes. To be more dependent on the one who yearns for me to come to him like a child asking for help.

Hope that Anchors the Soul Amidst the Sorrows of Tomorrow

Today’s sorrows may be great and the sorrow of tomorrow may threaten to undo you. But there is hope. Hope that can anchor your soul (Hebrews 6:19) so that when the storm threatens to undo your sails with the sorrow of tomorrow, you can hold fast and weather the storm. One day the sorrow of tomorrow will be the the sorrow of yesterday and the day will be the day of the Lord in which every tear is wiped away and the weary and heavy laden will find rest. Weep. Pray and ask for relief. But trust a God who suffers with us and endured the sorrows of tomorrow, that he might one day make your sorrows a thing of the past.

For The Love of the Body: Losing 200 lbs

For The Love of the Body: Losing 200 lbs

 

200 lbs. Well, 200.8 lbs to be exact as of today. That’s how much weight I’ve lost over the past three years. All because a few guys who love Jesus were concerned for me and the witness I was giving the world around me. My body told the world that my appetites were lord. These brother’s challenged me. They reminded me how important it was that I let the world see who was Lord over my life. Thus began the journey of learning to worship with my body. I weighed 375 lbs when I started. I now weigh 174.2 lbs. As I lost the weight, there were different motivations (some appropriate, some not so appropriate). But through it all, I found that the more I lost, the more I found other believers wanting to worship with their bodies as well but unsure of how. So, here’s a few tips on the “how”. This is an honest and practical 5-step guide, for the love of the body of Christ God has stirred in me through this journey.

 

For the love of the body - Gospel Centered Counseling - Health
Stock photo (not me)!

 

  1. Worship – If your motivation is health, eventually you’ll find another healthier reason to not lose the weight (chocolate’s good for you, right?!). Maybe your knee hurts, so you decide to rest and not find an exercise to burn the calories. Or maybe you just realize that with age, you’ll have a few extra pounds. Worship makes you realize that your body isn’t yours. Finding balance with rest, exercise, and healthy eating comes from a heart of wanting to treat your body as though it were the temple of God. You’ll lose the weight for the love of the body God gave you. If you don’t have a “why” that conquers over all the other motivations of your heart, you’ll eventually stop or give up. The only one worth that kind of devotion is God. So worship.
  2. Find what works – The easiest way for me to get started was with a low-carb diet. I needed something that would help me cut out a lot of weight really quickly to help me build momentum. Plus, I’m a meat and potatoes kind of guy. It was easy to give up the potato when you’re eating multiple bacon cheese burgers (sans buns). But eventually I had to switch to a low calorie, vegetarian lifestyle to achieve the level of health and mental acuity I felt appropriate. Every person needs a different lifestyle and eating pattern. Find what works for you. This applies to the big picture (type of eating lifestyle) to the small details (which snacks can you eat and stay within your daily goals)? I’ve found that ultimately it boils down to calories for me.
  3. Build patterns – Patterns help you get into a grove of losing weight, eating right, and exercising and getting rest. You’ll never be able to stick to the pattern 100% but if you get into a pattern, you’ll find yourself making good choices by default. It’ll reduce the variables that often wreak havoc to eating right and exercising. I buy the same type of groceries, eat similar dishes (mixing things up here and there with seasonings, rotating through recipes/dishes, and having a collection of snacks on hand). My coworkers ask me if something’s wrong if they don’t smell my baked french fries when they come into work.
  4. Pay attention to your drinks – Most diets are going to require you, at some point, to count or have a strong sense of how much of something you’re consuming. Whether that’s calories, carbs, or “points”, you’ll be counting something. I’ve noticed that sodas, special coffee drinks, juices, etc. all have a lot of sugar, calories, and carbs. If you need to take baby steps (highly recommend if you’ve not had a lot of success in the past at treating your body right), start with the drinks.
  5. Be Radical – When sin is identified, Christ calls us to be radical in getting rid of it. Cut off the arm or pluck out the eye that causes you to sin. That doesn’t mean you should go and physically chop off your arm or pluck out your eye. But it does mean be radical. If you have a snack that you just need to finish off before starting your diet, throw out the snack. If you’re waiting for the holidays to end or whatever, drop that mindset like a Twinkie in a trash-can and start now. It may mean eating carrot sticks instead of chocolate covered cake with chocolate icing, but remember, worship isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.
  6. Community – Worship is easier when done in community. Find a group of people who can help encourage, hold you accountable, and celebrate with you when you reach goals.

 

I could offer more specifics but that’s beyond a single blog post. Comment below with what you have found helpful or recipes you’ve used to help worship with your body!

Superpowers and Prayer

Superpowers and Prayer

I used to dream that I had the super-power to make things happen according to my will. As a preteen and teen, I remember imagining what it would be like if I could fly, move things with my mind, or could create things out of thin air. It was always fueled by fantasty sci-fi books and the really wild dreams I would have at night (perhaps linked to the sci-fi books?). As I got older though, I put those dreams away. I began to listen to the world around me and began to believe that those childish fantasies needed to be put away so I could find my place in the adult world.

 

GospelCenteredCounseling - Superpowers and Prayer - I wonder now at my foolishness. Not at the imagining of grandiose things, but at my belief that I needed to put those away rather than realizing the power that was available to me.  Later on, I came upon the power of prayer. I began to realize that there was a power I had never fully tapped into before. Sure, I had prayed before. But I often just went through the motions of prayer and asked for those things I thought I was to ask for. I said the right things but didn’t really expect much. It was just something a Christian does, right?

God likes to take the box we place Him in and show how it’s too small for Him. He began answering the prayers I had routinely asked for and made it clear that He was the only way that those prayers could have come about. I remember coworkers who didn’t even believe in God seeing God move in ways that they couldn’t explain. I smiled and shared how it happened while inside I was blown away. I marveled at what God was doing! Why hadn’t someone told me this would happen?! That if I asked God for something, He wouldn’t be content in just letting me believe He wouldn’t give it to me? This was bigger than even my childish fantasies as a child!

Did you know that there are over 650 prayers recorded in scripture? Each has something to teach us. But here is the first tidbit I would share with you. Prayer is not about having power. Prayer is about God having power and responding to you.

My childish dreams led me to believe that I had power. That something intrinsic in me could change the world. As I got older, the darkness of depression and suicidal thoughts were in part, a result of coming to believe that I had no power. That I was subject to whatever forces were around me and that I had no control. Then God showed up. And I realized both were true. There is nothing intrinsic in me that can change the world. But there is a power that is available to me; through Christ. The power is there. It’s not a fantasy or some childish delusion. It’s not about me having power, it’s about God having power and responding to my prayer.

Imagine having an all-powerful, loving, all-knowing God listening to everything you are asking for and just waiting to respond. Isn’t that a power worth cherishing and daydreaming about? Isn’t that the heart of prayer we see in scripture? Pray. And relish in the delight of the super-power given to all those who follow Christ! Pray!

Dear Military Spouse

Gospel Centered Counseling - Memorial Day - Dear Military Spouse

Dear Military Spouse,

This is the day in our nation that we take to remember the ultimate sacrifices given by those who serve our country in the military. Today is a day of remembrance and gratitude. As I praise God for the sacrifices made for our country, my thoughts and heart turn to you.

This weekend has been filled with luxuries for my family and I. We enjoyed a birthday party where we watched whatever movie we desired, praised God in a house of worship that we chose without fear of persecution, and read from a religious text that praises those who would willingly lay down their lives for their brothers. All at the expense of those who have served our country. I thank God for your spouse for they have given me much more than they receive in return. More than they will ever know. But let me turn to you for just a moment.

I know you likely have no desire for a “thank you”. You chose your lifestyle and your spouse chose their career and it is just the duty to which you both have committed yourself. You desire no praise or glory. But I could not live with myself if I did not say something, if I did not offer some small gesture of the gratitude with which my heart is filled when I think of you. Of the long nights you endured wondering if your spouse would ever walk through your front door again or if you’d find two other service members silently pounding on your door. Of the times you watched as your friends were handed a folded flag while your insides shouted, “Not again!”

So to you Military Spouse, thank you. Thank you for the way you stand guard over your soldier’s home while they defend our country. Thank you for being their anchor as they keep our country afloat. Thank you for being a strong tower of refuge as they come home from another war-torn country. For being the shoulder the soldier leans on that protects my family day-in and day-out. Thank you for loving our country enough to be strong when you feel you have no strength left. For loving faithfully when our country seems to have lost all respect for what your spouse does.

Thank you for those months and maybe even years that you’ve been a “single” parent, sought to foster a relationship between your children and your spouse, and slept alone at night. Thank you for those times spent awaiting your soldier’s return only to find that they’re still caught up in what happened while they were gone. Thank you for supporting the brotherhood that keeps their unit strong even when it interferes with your own relationship with them. Thank you for dealing with the brokenness your soldier will experience time and again, long after their service is done. And thank you for expecting nothing in return.

Thank you for teaching me what it means to die to self everyday. Thank you for teaching me about love that crosses and is deeper than oceans. Thank you for reminding me of the love Christ has for me and the faithfulness he shows me.

With all my heart, thank you. Happy Memorial Day to you and yours.

 

Sincerely,

 

Travis

 

 

 

 

3 Reasons for Gospel Centered Counseling

There’s Cognitive-behavior therapy, behavior-modification, narrative-therapy, and a rather long list of other types of counseling theories. Why then is Gospel Centered Counseling something worth advocating? Isn’t it just another way of helping people like all the others?

1. Gospel Centered Counseling is THE Counseling Theory

When God created man and we experienced our first problem (sin), God shared the good-news. The garden was perfect, we lived in perfect relationship with God, but we rebelled. We did exactly what God told us not to do. But despite the rebellion, God promised that,

“I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel,” (Gen 3:15; see also Romans 16:20).

This is called the protoevangelion, or the first instance of the good-news. Our first problem was disobeying God (sin), and the first solution God offers is that the serpent would be crushed (through Christ!). This is exactly what we needed to hear! God didn’t first deal with man’s rebellion, or woman’s rebellion, but rather with the serpent. That’s grace!

The Gospel was the first solution to man’s biggest problem. But it also is the source of man’s greatest hope. Since our creation, man has longed for the perfection we were designed for and to live eternally. We have feared death and take sorrow in many of the results of our rebellion. We long for purpose and identity, for a source of strength beyond ourselves. The Gospel provides all of this and so much more.

2. Gospel Centered Counseling Has the Longest Reach

Motivation is a key-word in counseling. Any counseling theory is going to have to ask the question, “Why does a person do what they do?” From the Christian worldview, a person does what they do because of what’s in their heart. Consider Proverbs 27:19;

“As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man.”

Or how about Jesus’ own words when discussing what defiles a man in Matthew 15:19;

“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person…”

Gospel Centered Counseling deals with the heart, out of which a man’s actions flow. Cognitive behavior therapy attempts to do this by adjusting one’s thoughts, but has no anchor to which those thoughts should be tied to the heart. Behavior-therapy attempts deal with the symptoms rather than the problem. Each of the theories fails to reach where the Gospel’s light touches every-time.

Gospel Centered Counseling - Heart - Sun shine

 

3. Gospel Centered Counseling Causes Death

When dealing with addictions, anger, frustration, bitterness, marriage issues, or issues at work, we often are operating out of selfish-motives. Rather than seeking to utilize those selfish motives and channeling them into productive behavior, Gospel Centered Counseling causes those selfish motivations to die and instead places the Maker’s motivation at the fore-front of the person’s desires.

So when the time comes for a hard decision to be made, and the choice is between doing what feels good or what is hard, a person will not necessarily default to what feels good, as they seek to honor the one that died for them. The hope of eternity gives strength to endure the harder choices in life.

When a person is committed to the Gospel, and is confronted with the choice between chocolate cake or hummus and carrots after years of poor eating habits that have led to health problems, they will be able to die to self and choose the carrots as an act of worship. Or when a person has worked towards a career for a decade and finally offered the position, but realizes that by accepting they would cause a great deal of hurt to others, they can choose to not accept the position. Gospel Centered Counseling allows a person to die to their own desires and embrace a higher motivation.

Counseling and Motivation

Counseling and Motivation

I believe the motivation of counselors today is fundamentally flawed; especially counselors within the church. I believe that because the motivation is wrong, counselors are finding fewer and fewer opportunities to really help people, are burning out quicker, and are training others in a motivation system that leaves new counselor’s wanting for something more. Let me elaborate on why I feel this way.

I remember when I first started to feel the call on my life, I listened to a handful of different pastors complain that they felt that they could better utilize their time by preparing for the sermon, or doing evangelism, rather than sitting in a counseling room. I remember one specific conversation I had with a pastor that I still think very highly of; “Counseling can often be a struggle because people don’t really want to change and don’t really want to listen.” I saw this motivation and said, ‘Then why would I ever want to do counseling?’ My whole concept of the calling on my life was changed because I believed that counseling was ineffective.

 

What I have noticed over the years is that the counselee enters into the room with the expectation of being helped through a struggle by the counselor. The counselor then accepts this agenda from the counselee and says, “I’m there because I’m supposed to help them through this issue.” Counseling has become a place where people help people. But counseling was meant to be an opportunity for people to glorify God by letting God help people. It seems a minor change of motivation, but it is anything but minor in the way it impacts the way a counselor behaves in the counseling room.

 

Gospel Centered Counseling - Chopping a Tree Down - Counseling and Motivation

 

 

If a counselor believes that counseling is about people helping people, then when a problem arises that they are uncertain of how to handle, they will seek to answer the problem with their own solution. They will try to cut away at the problem down and find that it is a great deal harder than they originally planned. When the counselor believes that they are there to glorify God, they may find that the answer to the perplexing problem is found in prayer, where they can connect with the wisdom of God. A counselor who believes that counseling is about letting God help people, may see opportunities to strengthen people’s character and moral resolve through hardships, while the counselor who believes counseling is about people helping people is more likely to seek out the path of least resistance to a solution.

If you are a counselor, and you are seeking to be effective, examine your motivation. Are you entering into the counseling room because you want to help people, or because you think there is an opportunity for you to glorify God? If it’s the latter, it is likely to mean that there are times when the answer to a problem is only to mourn with those who mourn. At other times, it’ll be harder because you’ll have to accept that sometimes, the answer to a problem is just to have faith despite the counselee begging for relief from their pain. When you counsel with the gospel in mind, God’s glory is the focus of counseling, not our desire to help others, see people “live right”, or even a desire to fix what’s wrong in the world. When you counsel with the gospel in mind, sometimes pain has to be embraced rather than “resolved”. If we can enter into the counseling room with an intent to glorify God, maybe we’ll find that the problem is completely uprooted without any effort from us. Maybe counselors will find joy in the counseling room no matter what happens in the counselee’s life. And maybe, just maybe, successive generations of counselors will be more concerned about bringing God glory than shaping their theology to fit what people want.